true confessions

Confession: The sad truth is that I have not met my goals on most days (I won’t bore you with tales of hot summer days that have zapped my will to live; sick kids; and pesky insects). Those all have had a part in slowing down my mental abilities, but are nothing compared to the wanderings of my own mind that so often threaten to steal my joy and discourage my pursuits.

I suppose it can be summed up in one word: FEAR. It’s not a new or interesting word, but one that never fails to rear its ugly head in my life. This time it’s the fear that once again I will start down a path and not see my task to completion. That I will begin to see myself in one light and then once again my passion will wane and I will be back to square one in this trying to understand (once again) what I’ve been created for.

I have been scribbling down silly stories and bad poetry since I was a little girl. I feel like it’s a part of me–I have not known a time when I didn’t like making up stories. Creating worlds and characters exhilarates me. Now, instead of puppy-covered trapper keepers, I use a computer and I love sitting down in front of it to write. But sometimes I get side-tracked, or derailed by reading something fabulous that was written by someone else. And then the fear comes, because I start to think, “What if everything I write is rubbish? What if I can never write as wonderfully as that person does?” And so a week will go by with no writing accomplished as I’ve convinced myself that I’m just not up for the task. Then the next week comes and I sense something is missing and I’m ready to get back to work again.

I think I have slowly, oh so slowly, been coming to a place where I know that writing always has to be a part of my life, even if it’s only scribbling something my children and friends read. I feel ready to move past the fear of failure and see what happens when I shake off my inner-critic shackles and allow myself the freedom to fail (or maybe succeed).

So, perhaps the 1000 word a day challenge was a total bust for a myriad of pathetic reasons. There, I admit it was was as Mark Twain said in Huck Finn, “Over-reaching don’t pay.”  I thought a lofty challenge would be the impetus I needed to finish this project, but like my main character, I too am on a journey and I’m learning things along the way that take time to sink in and take root.

So thanks to all who have encouraged and prayed for me. The story isn’t over… it’s just slowing down a bit.

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goaaaaal!

Today’s goal of 1000 words was met and exceeded. So excited! I also managed to pull off a new recipe, which is always an accomplishment for me.

A true confession: I did not have any curry powder on hand for tonight’s recipe and had to improvise. I’m pretty sure I’m the only person in this country who doesn’t have curry powder in her pantry. Must remedy this tomorrow, but for tonight I’m enjoying meeting my word goal.

Now, off to kill a few mosquitoes before bedtime…

challeng-ing

Ok, so writing 1000 words a day in this heat and with two small kids by my side all day has been a challenge. Throw in a little girl who hasn’t quite gotten the hang of going potty and well, you can imagine that writing is not the only thing I’ve been working on.

But the good news is, why I haven’t quite hit 1000 per day (I know, loser), I have been getting 500+ and that is a step in the right direction. I’ve never been so great with the process of things–the choleric in me likes to just get it done! But the melancholy side, the writer side of me, knows that book-writing is a marathon not a sprint that requires the key virtue of discipline. The one that I’m just now, in my 30’s working to develop.

So I’m pressing on. Thanks for those who have pushed me so far and are checking in to make sure I stay on task. Now, it’s time for some Earl Grey and to get back to work!

1000 words/6 days a week challenge

I have a request this month. I am working on a little project and I have given myself a June 1st deadline for the rough draft to be complete. But I need a push. It seems as though I only work with set deadlines where there is pressure for me to finish something. Left to my own devices I struggle with consistency, even if it’s something I want badly. So I need some pressure and encouragement from the outside to help me finish this writing project that has lingered around now partly on page and partly in my mind for too long.

I’m challenging myself to write 1000 words/ 6 days a week for the entire month of May. I know I can do it, but since the heat has kicked in in earnest here, I find my motivation level has taken a dive. But I want to finish this. I need to finish it–even if it’s total rubbish in the end.

So, if you think of it say a prayer for me, or write me a note, or bug me incessantly until June 1st. I need it.

Let the writing begin!