happy sad

This morning we decided to pull out the video camera and capture our very entertaining two-year old on film. She was making silly faces and causing her brothers to laugh hysterically as usual.We don’t do this often, so when the mood strikes us, we go with it.

As we were filming the tape ran out and we looked through our bag for another. There was only one other tape so we checked it to make sure it was blank, which it wasn’t. In the spirit of a lazy Saturday morning we saw that the tape was from last year and decided to watch some of it.

The hubby plugged up the necessary cables and started the tape. It began about this time last year, around our son’s 3rd birthday party. Ten seconds into the video I burst into tears. There on the tape were many of our dearest Dallas friends all crammed into our little apartment celebrating our son’s birthday. I remembered the day vividly and the pain of not having another day like that any time soon overwhelmed me.

It was a great day that began with me cleaning and baking all day so his Yoda cake would be perfect for the party. It was the day of our final Fall Fest at school. So the kids had already been playing in bounce houses with their friends and getting their faces painted.

I remember being exhausted but too excited that we had so many people in our home that I didn’t care. I remember it was cozy, but fun to have parties in our home. It felt like community, which is something that we do not have here and that I have been longing for for months, but I’m not sure I will have for a long time.

We are trying to get out and meet people, but the reception is not exactly one with open arms,but rather curious stares. Today we ventured to the park in our sector. The kids enjoyed the change of scenery and getting to play outside. As for me, I’m still not quite used to being stared at constantly, so I have a hard time enjoying the moments we have to be in public places. In fact, they are the cause of much of my anxiety, but that’s another story.

So my heart is longing for community, for connections, but I’m not expecting it to look the same as it has in the past. I know our time in Dallas was a sweet time of fellowship that may or may not be duplicated. I’m so grateful for that time. For those people whose company we enjoyed for a season of our lives.


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