Right now I’m reading a book called Cold Tangerines. I’m probably behind the times with this one, but I’ve been buried under a pile of theology books for the past five years. The first chapter has me hooked, which is the point, I guess.
This quote hit me:
“The big moments are the daily, tiny moments of courage and forgiveness and hope that we grab on to and extend to one another. That’s the drama of life, swirling all around us, and generally I don’t even see it, because I’m too busy waiting to become whatever it is I think I am about to become. The big moments are in every hour, every conversation, every meal, every meeting” (p.17)
I feel like I’m always waiting to begin living. I can think back now and see how I have lived like this for most of my life. No stage of life has ever been enough within itself, no moments big enough. I essentially live in contradiction to my own theology.
So I’m going to read this book, pray and ponder it’s contents in the hopes that I will be inspired to find joy in every day, every moment. To live creatively and see the possibilities for right now.
In the past month I have really dropped the ball. Part of it was that we were traveling, again, and part of it was just pure, inexcusable apathy. This waiting place has me in a bit of a funk, to be honest, and as such my creativity has gone walkabout.
I think I’m ready to step out of the haze of ambiguity and start creating again. I’m telling myself I have to stop seeing this delay as purgatory, but rather as a gift. I have to get back to purposeful living. And in the midst of no routine, I have to piece one together somehow. It’s weird to go from going to school, doing ministry, raising kids, having a home and people in it, to no school, no ministry, no home to have people in, (but we do still have the kids!) Instead of papers I work on scrapbooks and support letters and packing (and re-packing) stuff. It sometimes feels pointless even though I know there is a point, it’s just not as concrete at the moment.
So, since it’s Monday and I’m tired of listlessness and I need some change in my life I am going to give my blog a face-lift. Let me know what you think, if you have a minute. Honest assessments truly welcome!